Aches and Pains

For a little over three years I have had the hardest time getting to COF. Every Thursday evening I would be extremely worn-out, or I would feel that the drive was too long, or I was just tired of being a person with a disability helping run a disability ministry. I've worked hard to not be known as having that label. Since I was young I live with daily physical aches and pains, and going to COF is a reminder of everything in life I'd like to forget. I continue to go though. God hasn't told me not to, and I have the best time once I'm there.

I was surprised to speak to someone this past week as we started up season number 14 (or so) and he stated that he just didn't have the ambition to come to COF. I was kind of knocked over by this. Someone knew what I was feeling for so long, and though we didn't know if we should do anything about it (besides pray); I felt relieved to be able to speak with someone (other than my BFAT - Best Friend of All Time) about the attacks I've been going through for so long. These attacks are not physically painful but it can be a struggle to do something you feel you'd prefer not to do. (Note the word "feel.") It is a mental issue that can lead to physical symptoms.

Throughout all of this I've always wondered how COF would end. Would it? When our sponsoring church was reducing staff-led ministries I thought we might get caught up in the "downsizing" and be asked to find another venue. Didn't happen. In fact, we grew and they allowed us to use a bigger room. Then we'd lose a wonderful "helper" and I didn't think there'd be enough hands to get our growing nights done well. Didn't happen. All of a sudden, "Hands on Charlotte" comes along and it seems as if we don't even have to think about that again. If you know about COF you know that we've continued to worship our Creator without a band, without power, without refreshments, during a flood in our room, I could go on and on. Even if COF ended at Forest Hill Church, our group would still worship God, together, or on our own. So really, the essence of COF will never end. It has always been about Him, not us.

So this past Thursday I didn't notice an attack didn't happen to me until after I got home from COF. The only thing I did notice was that during the night I felt no pain. Dave was playing "Thy Word" and I felt nothing hurt physically. I also felt this smile I had that began in my heart and stretched out through my teeth and lips. I've been "O.K." with going to COF through the years because God said not to not go. If there is one thing I remember from reading His Word it is to obey. COF has become so much of who I now am, that even though I don't mind being away, I recognize the simple purity of what happens on a Thursday night with our 350 or so friends. We worship, we pray, we learn about God. I'm either getting older and accepting it, or truly it is why God has not told me to leave; it is not about what I have made my life to be but where He wants me to be in His life. I know I could go at anytime and COF would chug along just fine, and God would allow me that choice too. But, a night without pain, and someone who understands where you are is a reason to see what God's got planned next. Either-way, I'll see you on Thursday night...